Friday

mistakes have been made
jarring like a little death

and yet the whooping crane
we do not wish to march

in the back of the eye are
inumerable falls; marches

after that and after that
crosswords come with fury

as we wait; wading across
whole beds of transient quality

banks of a person abbr. (when
a father tumbles the restaurant)

to frame stuff; this syndrome
to peek and rule with contents

the cow is suspended, its eye back,
the back of its eye like waiting

to peel and rule like a kitten
does anyone know its function

great plains gleaming with
the time of year elicited when

one considers great plains
when one considers nomenclature,

however, say prairie, say clocks (sea)
see the cattle in their weather thoughts

my elbow and they lay down for slaughter
this barometer for standing to sleep

peeling back the back further, to pearl,
who to know the sentient seal

alert: i deleted the kitten pictures

it felt too much like myspace. i prefer to manage my various egomaniacal profiles without the use of the mac cam. also i feel much less like a hermit when i take pic\\\\\\\\\ <--kitten did that

pictures with a real camera instead of my computer. this becomes even more pathetic as we continue on to,

HERE IS AN IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT FOR ME:

i have already managed to miss two of my anatomy classes and corresponding labs by accident. but, i did color-code my calendar today. i can't believe i just...did that. and wrote about it. if you'll excuse me, i have to go buy a three-ring binder, reinforcements, a slide rule, and a few pairs of creepy sweatpants. bye!

oh, shit

Thursday

the first wave

we stood up in rows
and raised our arms over
our heads and screamed
all around the stadium
it was like the right
to vote

we just want to say

that we're staying here in, like, days.

(it's apparently around $330 per night, not that we would need to worry about that.)

a swivel chair!!! be still, my heart!

Wednesday

something very exciting happened

no, not that.

i received my free human genome landmarks poster, which shows every mapped disorder and the chromosome/base pair to which it relates. i can't say it's particularly pleasing aesthetically, but i realize that as much as i wish it were so, science isn't overly concerned with that. there are arguments to be made, of course; consider these (they are all science):





Monday

history in pictures

tonight we went to my parents' house for dinner. sorted through some more childhood memorabilia, which is probably the most surreal experience of my life. i found my "corner," which was my version of a security blanket--i just carried around the torn-off edge of the blanket and rubbed it against my thumb all day (i have a scar). it's really the patterns/prints/textures of things that gets me. amazing the complexity of the reaction they elicit. here are two things i colored in probably in kindergarten or so:



and here is a picture of me re-posing as a zombie in front of my friend's painting where i initially posed as a zombie maybe 5 years ago:



i'm assuming it's not too self-involved to post pictures of myself. but that would also assume that it's not too self-involved to continue the emo log what, six months later?

Sunday

medication. tation. shit.

i want to write pretty bad right now but i'm just so tired. my new routine is kicking my ass: get up at 7, medimitate, runnish, good breakfast, rest of day. as a routine it's really just an idea right now, but that is tiring enough. (actually it began friday but unfortunately ended saturday. things are expected to pick back up tomorrow what with the reinstatement of school and dundalk and all.)

incidentally, on friday during the mediation i suddenly imagined this huge oak tree with very specific golden light coming out of the top of it, and when i breathed in it came in; when i breathed out blue goop came out (metaphysically) and was sucked back up by the tree. conjured the same tree periodically today with good results. this week i will try to incorporate my li'l animal totem and see what happens.



(note "hat," very important).

(note that in the time this took i could have written something halfway decent but want to try for something much longer or at least from somewhere more awake k thx bye BFF LYLAS lol <3)

free for a hiker in need

"I have an old pair of American Eagle hiking boots (women's size 9.5-10). The soles fell off the last time I was hiking."

also i woke up laughing in the middle of the night but i don't know what the dream was about. this wasn't no giggle, either.

Saturday

at last

i hate when things fall and rock to stillness. i hate that noise. like this:

noise





noise




noise



noise


noise

noise

noise
noise
noise
noisenoisenoisenoise

(still)

i just realized that yesterday. it really bothers me.

last night we went to ethiopian (the country--it's next to ethiopia) and justin ordered a meta beer. that's what it's called. but they brought him a different beer, which is good, because if he'd had the meta beer he might have disappeared. there were a. ma. zing. music videos playing in the restaurant.

when we go to chicago in september the hideout music festival will be happening, and andrew bird will be playing an hour after we land--andrew bird is one of my favorites of all time. the government is paying for justin's swank hotel room, car, etc. there will be pre-planned incriminating pictures that will violate even this blog. trust me.

yesterday the mcdonald's arch deluxe was a crossword answer. but not today--today that answer wouldn't have fit in yesterday's crossword. this is all true. every time i dream about kitchens a beer disappears.

Thursday

lost the game

[“sediment”]

We ran up in three dimensions; the two of you first and falling behind my fear, behind the sky; at the top he coughed up blood, got high in the backyard, fits of rage about a bear movie or some combination of a visitors’ center or burned to the ground; try rubbings. No heritage there but they were proud of me; they bought me anything I wanted as we awoke again and again in layers. I still wake that way remembering dust around his teenage body, different sun, held bladders through explanation canyons, resentments and peacock restaurants where I would hate the light until later, drunk on altitudes of bones.

...

bloodsucking anatomy
and squeezes the pleasure
out of it
from whole countries
of enablers
we frame stuff
have lost the parse
how-to, and how

Wednesday

i said this in therapy

"i'm gonna meditate, goddammit!"

(also "i'm gonna therapy this shit outta this!" but that was with the aid/humor of the therapist).

if anyone would like to be in on the design of my new active and anxiety-free identity, please leave suggestions in the comments box. we appreciate your participation, and you could win a free lunch.

house house

yay yay

Saturday, September 1st-
8 pm

A Narrow House / Lame House Reading

Organized & hosted by
Justin Sirois of Narrow House Recordings &
Gina Myers of Lame House Press

The poets reading-

Cathy Eisenhower
Arlo Quint
Dustin Williamson
Matt Hart
Jamie Gaughran-Perez
M. Magnus

The readings are now held at
CARRIAGE HOUSE
2225 Hargrove Street
Baltimore, MD

CARRIAGE HOUSE is located right off 23rd Street
between St. Paul & Calvert Streets-

A big yellow light will illumine the building-
Easy parking & BYOB & ears etc.

for more info-
Michael Ball
410-727-1953



("narrow lame")

Monday

dadahaha

a small giggle

you know what's great? crystallized ginger. i wonder if that's how christian bok got it all started.

(separate)

when i imagine it
there are two of us there
on the ledge, getting ready
i am in a light blue shirt and tie
and there is gel in my hair
i have a wife at home who
rides the elliptical machine
the woman next to me is
chinese-american in rayon
she is probably my assistant
i am not ready but
i always knew what it would be like
on the way down she screams
i try to send a message to my sister
with my mind, think about my organs
i can not imagine this scenario
or myself as a middle eastern person

if your grandmother was japanese
and your grandfather flew an american bomber
you are 1/4 japanese
and miniscule fractions of whatever is left
when my grandfather said we were bohemian
and that the guy on the evening news
had to be the son of his pilot
i wrote to the news
they said,
"tell the lady there's no relation"
i was not able to contact the bohemians
but either way he died
and left me a drawing of a cat
on a note i can not find

Sunday

great neck


quiver, day; conduct to new long-sleeve tee's. when one consumes one's weight in raw, or we walk to chicago, take incriminating hotels, take hostage our rampaging definitions; i have always been this way.

(go back and check the road)

(go back and check the road)

cram foot into empty handle of a milk crate. how to get. museums open into themselves; child sees child vomiting into hair, child sees child's arm ending at wristbone, child sees child reap movies of it. plastics filling, well-lost and opening where the chest was; it's okay.

(a year could be a trombone)
(a year could be mathematical)

a year could be like a fan with no function. shake, day; a person apart, a sieve patched with sand. like a museum. how do we like a museum.

do you need help appreciating me? i'm quilted.

ryan writ that, but i wish i had.

Friday

believe the term is OMFG

shelfari. SERIOUSLY. let my people go.

apparently i'm not the only one whose entire gmail address book was cookied and hijacked to oblivion. it's horrible that my only contribution to lucipo, POETICS, performancelist, spidertangle etc has been this goddamn invite AND REMINDER MESSAGE. i don't get angry a lot but when i do. well. i just do.

Thursday

breasts of baltimore


tonight i creped at the best of baltimore party. we each got a turn to wander around. we were supposed to play a game where we picked our top 5 attractive people at the party. i really couldn't pick any, but my, the ample bosoms. you have never seen as many ample bosom as at the best of baltimore party. it wasn't funny, because with no non-amples there was no context for comparison or humor. otherwise, and in addition, disappointment. really a networking/gen-X money event. once i got some seared tuna into my dressed-up belly everyone really blended together. i really did mean that my belly alone was dressed up.

people should really think about watching 2-year-olds eat tiny quiches, all the time.

yesterday my parents took me to the aquarium. true. much more true than belly statement above. highlights: hog-nosed turtle; obesity. it's nice to be an adult in a setting like that, where you can go, "mom? dad? i can't look at any more fish, i'm sorry. something about it makes me remember that time in the air and space museum when that kid with the mullet threw up his foot-long hot dog."

Wednesday

nerd of the day

bissextile (by-SEKS-til)

adjective

1. Of or pertaining to the leap year or the extra day in the leap year.

noun

2. Leap year.

noun

3. A blanket or fabric covering used by a person unwilling, unable, or too goddamn drunk to differentiate between the gender(s) of their romantic partner(s).

noun

4. A piece of ceramic flooring that cuts the sexual experience in half, directly down the middle.

resume

the original post/poem of this i actually really like. but revision beckons.

[censored]
masturbate [censored]
this war
[censored]
and yet
to revisit
[censored]

chapped and [censored]
sewn into [censored]
some horse
[censored]
a [censored]
(swagger, that)

[censored]
like a wasp

and this,
that [censored]
nice
li'l thing

[censored]
for a coda;
coat closet
[censored]
this [censored]
locus, goodness

[censored]
a graduated
[censored]
autobiography
[censored]

when you write a poem,
it should be this one.
[censored]

Tuesday

O, fate!

here is a funny reply to my shelfari 'request' by john b.:

No, I do not like the same books as you.

John

so i was very honest in designing my 'shelf' on shelfari. when i just went to check and see which strangers on my email list responded to the invites, i was informed that shelfari "is reading a short novel but will be back soon!"

was it all for nought?! goddamn, i hope so.

in other news, fried green tomatoes did it to us in our bellies.

shelfuckmi

totally invited everyone i've ever emailed to shelfari, which is something i'll register with and probably never visit again, since in fact i do not know how to read. waiting for angry responses from craigslist furniture sellers and local government officials i've emailed to roll in in 3...2...1...

Monday

proof of life

we had to shave gus the dog, completely, because he gets too hot and develops skin conditions. poor gus. look at him. he's hard to see but focus on the rolls of fat.


and this is the color of my room, which i'm extraordinarily happy about. those are my foots.


domestically,
otherwise collating,
extra yoga,
lb

Sunday

also

i saw a fire eater on the sidewalk last night.
my coworker saw a man lean back and inhale as if he was about to sneeze, and he leaned forward and vomited all over the street.
today i saw a woman in a lime green thong bikini and stilletos on top of a decrepit street car on the side of the road.
tonight i had dinner with chris toll. those of us who are interested will be transported to the 5th dimension on 12/21/2012. we will sleep for three days and awaken to be fed in the streets by aliens.
in the future (not that one) chris toll and i will host a neovirgin dance/tupperware party. only those witnessing a 2-year or longer sex attack may attend. RSVP telepathically.

weekending

things that happened:

homemade popples
cut-up po/e/ul/try
2-yr sex attack
body bibs
little beasties
swimsuit model
atop a streetcar
wimpies
work comes in
girls go out
green curry
powdered gloves
know all labels
get a raise
beaux arts
call 3 people
email 6
frame stuff
flash cards
shin splint
michael ball
2 pairs of
the same pants
dog thoughts
i just want to
watch cable TV

Saturday

sad cake, sad toast

i just bought this. for $15. it's a steal. i was kind of book-crazy because i was with adam and justin, so i also bought this and this. i'm hoping that _only revolutions_ and the mcsweeney's have enough content to hold up the form, because i sense myself peeking out of concept world and catching glimpses of the real world, by which i mean MTV.

i used to say that spending money on books and good food was okay, but now any kind of expenditure leaves me with that weighty feeling. i have noticed though that when the imaginary money comes from loans instead of cards, it's easier to digest. i work with a sufi who would probably say that all money is illusory, which is true, and would make me feel good enough to flip crepes into the sun and cover myself with special sauce until i just can't take it anymore okay okay sunshine dogs barking walk in the cemetery iced cranberry tea rodney dangerfield clean my room gotta go perceptual priming etc

ps atomic pop has a three-tiered stuffed plush cake for sale; it's light blue and the middle tier is frowning, while the upper and lower layers are smiling. it's $60. my birthday is march 16. it's about 3' tall (the cake, not my birthday).

fetus popple


look at it
i can't think of a much funnier phrase to google than 'fetus popple.'

wii <3 weekending ritual

envision the long bone
falsify (calcify)

your parents against
store-bought toys

fashioned homemade popples
convected potentialities

today my computer said,
hardship makes the world obscure

my only assertion is that
either there is no honest art

or i don't make assertions
or i don't trust those who do

you said, i wish i could
successfully paint sunsets

because she said
we would never say,

sunsets are interesting
(we might, of course)

once i saw right through binary
there was a nipple on a table

when i realized what i had seen
i wasn't sure i meant it

portions stored in small portions
and others skittering offshore

you smell the dishcloth as if
it was right there in her hand

when you wake, you may have
written a great russian novel

or i completed the entire crossword
and they came to my house

they thought i knew something
about cities in normandy

i had just been watching surgeries
i had been whaling in my sleep

(how should we expect the weather
and when to do it anyway)

today my shower said,
everyone is so afraid of being afraid

there will be plenty of time for
divinity; wash your hair

you are more like a north korean bomb,
she said, and we all laughed and laughed

nine down: like a bowl of seasonal fruit
(the sound); a body dampened by pavement

do you remember what you were wearing
did you try to find your family

Friday

tumble

[“el dorado”]

Let’s set this Westward toward the weather. “Why” is a weather; “why” is our folly and our failure. Looking up out of the canyon. Looking out of the canyon we see men; we see something like a sepia legend churning what little leaves there are into movies; this is already easy epic; this is grievous monotony; this is really something.



[“expanse”]

One-third are physicists, one-fourth are engineers, one-sixth are chemists and materials scientists, and the remainder work in mathematics and computational science, biological science, geoscience, and other disciplines. Fourteen made it out alive, three-eighths sifting mucky want and whiskey, ten five twenty six half hundred thirty four took and toiled deep into thin skies, small dogs of mythology. This phenomenon has been called “foolish,” or “expansive fear,” or “cancellous.” Thirty six square miles, 2.2 billion pesos, one-fifth of Jack Daniels expanding; hold it in your mouth; see it. This one time the girl next to me—her mother used to braid her hair funny and everyone made that face—she leaned over; she pushed the Carolinas over the edge of the desk; I hadn’t even asked.



[“revision”]

physicists, engineers, and the remainder made it out alive, sifting into thin skies, small dogs called “foolish” in your mouth; see it. the girl next to me used to braid that face over the edge of the desk; I hadn’t even asked. “puttering” would not be a good word but “scuffling” wouldn’t either; patterned disability thin-lipped, always prepared, always suspended in thin air until plateaus.



[“calamity”]

Bucket of mud bath, small of back what sweat, what sheepish dump to take or pour or purr feral colonies, protectorates, wounds of the sea. For real. Bookbinding corset to whale. Wore men’s clothing. What language.



[“mercantile”]

Every summer we went out there, rental vans to tether the years together. Largest root system suiciding; largest organism reaches the timberline. Ranch ran off with my father. Them ponies ran off with his camera. Some things are funny forever. He found aviator glasses in the ocean. To barter; I wouldn’t know how. Ship waits; ship bobs into pier, sees commerce; ship feels disenfranchised. Ship robs a landscape bank, rocks remain unphased, drawn over, eroded into castles; great castles. Rocks remain on fire; every year take pictures.

pony pony bring the mail, a hunch and a green hush, a conical kind of forlorn; when the sky finally came it was like coming; some arrival, or like courage. impulse in, play faking. don't go. out. ponies like in that first wrist poem; tent thefts. outside there is a colony, a divinity; inside we evidence pets, to pasture, or pet pictures or dander. inside we fail. legs at strange angles. pony likened to some kind of quality, flatness option; architecture refuting time of day. pony rides. five dollars. the pony rides five dollars.

Thursday

let's go to vagus

it's over, my A&P final. unfortunately i still haven't accepted that i'm back in school, so i really have no idea how i did.

but enough about me.

my stomach hurts. i've never liked the sound of my name. here is what i do when i should be making flashcards--it's weird; with mac cams everything comes out backwards, which is cool because it shows things more naturally than a camera would in that weird way, but is also inconvenient when you have to flip everything around in your cheap photoshop imitator:



i think i drew our dog eddie's ears in the background. here's a transcription, i think--of course anything that mentions birds around some kind of sound base is probably passable as something i would write. i had patterns. i mean i hate patterns. that was a weird mistake to make...

cat
bird
with
a berry
should
and still
this unseasonable
this song fulcrum
i don't know oil
i don't know muscles
i know how,
slowly:

i see something like
still or the sill
those fields
sewn + strewn
out of
room

i'm not a whale, but i've played one inside a box

the few seconds at the end really make it

In The Know: Are Our Children Learning Enough About Whales?

ps publishing genius/adam robinson will be putting out the whale poems in about 2 weeks or whenever i get my shit together.

RECIPROCAL INNERVATION

Wednesday

i've decided

i'm active, strong, courageous and totally nuts. thanks, ryan.

neoliberalism: fashion forward


i eat corn
Originally uploaded by kevin thurston
it's like american apparel extreme

i do like 'intelligent design is stupid,' but only for like a minute.

look at this picture of kevin:

Tuesday

somebody anybody

i hate all this anticipation. i do it enough to myself on a daily basis. why's the weather do it. it's okay to talk about the weather during a time like this, when a woman is walking down the street sucking on her 40 with her two-year-old straggling behind. every time i see one of the cats i think it's dead.

this morning nate, my best friend (age 2), pointed from his father's arms toward me as i walked to my car and yelled, "don't go!" it was a great moment.

i was supposed to go to blonde redhead and beach house with chris toll tomorrow at the rams head; i said yes yesterday and then no today because my final is on thursday. his feelings are hurt, unless he's lying. someone should go with him, for free, before he gives away the ticket to someone he doesn't know. just think about standing next to chris toll while the japanese vixen pulls the hair of her quasi-lover italian twin on stage. do it. think about it. did something happen in your pants? i thought so.

Sunday

part of feeling insignificant is being insignificant

you know what might be nice, or not? posting only comments to other people's blogs as your blog, but with no specificity as to whom you are commenting...to.

what's only slightly more interesting than that idea is that my story about a pants accident has come up twice in a week.

and slightly more interesting than that was when a guy at work last night said, "language is...what's the word i'm looking for...it's not 'un'-something...it's like 'in-' or...'in'...shoot, what's the word..."

i said, "insufficient?"

he said, "that's it! language is insufficient!"

(ellipses have replaced semicolons as bender's choice punctuation.)

--

[censored]
jargon [censored]

these are all things [censored]
w/ [censored] technique, [censored]
baby blue, [censored]

there is of course [censored]
accompaniment.
[censored]
the [censored] dogma of [censored]
expression

spindle [censored] law [censored]
blending theory
"not fair" [censored]
chitin, goddammit
gristle
"where things go in & out"
yeah. yeah.
[censored]

small English letters
outlier hurts
[censored]
grass houses.
oh my god, [censored]
(thinking about fear).
[censored]
(forgot about them).

[censored]
remarkable in terms of [censored]
"the number in its magnitude"
[censored]

pork co-chair

i wish i made that up

instead i had dreams about laundry difficulties

these really have a lot of

[censored]
i propose full-contact poems
[censored]
not that you [censored]
are academic

[censored]

i grew my hair for a whole year.
[censored]
repackaged for later consoles
[censored]
it's a toss up whether
[censored]
the sum of the parts,
but not any one part,
or none.

[censored]

there are races for anything.

neovirgin

[censored]
oh,
[censored]
no, and with good reason
[censored]

a giant among tinies

[censored]

my hair looks terrific

i was pummeled. [censored]

i heard about it when
i was buying my spring wardrobe [censored]
i don't expect that to be surprising.

[censored]
he was shooting bee-bees [censored]
in broad daylight [censored]
on the weekend [censored]

they projected me into [censored]
space, [censored] or [censored]
through a place [censored]

i say i read a lot [censored]
when i have time to read i nap instead [censored]
i said, "goofy little things," [censored]
i tried to explain [censored]
but i [censored]
called you mercurial too.

[censored]

Saturday

this week's special: the fuck yeah crepe

first,

paul pfeiffer. watch the videos.

second,

i can't remember what else. something about intraracial divides and my sister, "it's hard on the street." she was talking about her bedroom facing the road.

there was also something about victory pilsner, machine gun laugh, theater of pain, gypsy fiddle, black mountain miner, mountains for bones, rock for bones, oyster for eyes, and joke coincidence. someone wrote 'zelda' in the bathroom. we can't fight the gender war and do promo stuff at the same time. in the back of a cow's eye is the most baffling pearlescence you'll never see. hung by its feet and slit. if you weren't a murderous pedophile, you'd like to be a meteorologist. transcendental food. wit marriage. injurious psychology. pick the wounds. wind up cocooned, blind, waiting to categorize your coming, predatory. something about haiti.

Friday

chevy starches


part and parcel whale control
[that time you sat too close to the speaker
at a wedding]
cochlea like a piano
decaying like a banana

i wish i could find that thing
they can sing

there are echoes,
by the way

--

i don't care how many fingers i have

--

if you were to find yourself
entering a space pod
[thought they were climbing]
[thought good instruments, good]

does one
need a level
to build
a level

and then what?

--

the butterfly wraps
around your throat

islets unto themselves
and then and then


--

Thursday
[censored]
problems

[censored]
ALMOST [censored]
the world's largest baby
[censored] strained through
[censored] and out of mouths,
[censored]
in [censored] clumps
(more fun than victim)

[censored]
some errors are not quite

[censored]
i designed a [censored]
crystal [censored]
a latent image that relies on
[censored] a tiny shadow.

[censored] it [censored]
said...

what he said

Wednesday

that's it? that's it.

this is how july ends.

i thought today was july 31st, but it isn't, and now it will be fall, and everything will get sadder.