that part about fisting food (below) is true. on fridays i smash up 3 gallons of chickpeas at the crepe shoppe. it's easier to do it with hands than a masher. so i don two latex gloves and smoosh them up in my fists, but inevitably my hands get tired, so i just ball them up and start punching the chickpeas. it really adds another dimension of ABSOLUTE MAYHEM to my weekends.

today i ran full-speed down through suburbia with my 60-lb charge. she is legally blind and with little muscle control but also extremely fast.

gonna learn to build a bike. gonna move some books. my highest handheld tetris score is 110 lines. justin just bought 4-person 3D tetris for his fancy shoot-em-up gaming console system player system. you play it with jockey helmets on, and you have to wear sweaters over your hands. it's hard. yesterday justin and i saw a kid in hampden wearing a virtual reality helmet/eyepiece. really. his avatar told us that there's actually a huge heroin problem in hampden, but that we can trade it for typhoid fever and a wagon wheel. if justin was trapped in virtual reality, i would send my wagon for him. i probably couldn't do much else because i don't even know what peer-2-peer is.

this is all true.

every time i die it's through spontaneous combustion. like clockwork.

i am planning for my first major performance career. unfortunately i can't talk about it except to say that i'll probably just think about it for a long time and not follow through. that, and theoretically it will involve some choreography. think contingent booty bumpin' and tambourine.

never google image search for 'booty' anticipating to find anything involving a tambourine.

tip: when googling for 'booty tambourine,' anticipate this, strangely, nestled within the e-book text of finnegans wake, graciously published by the university of adelaide library in southern australia:


Ryan W. said...

I bought a meat grinder once at a yard sale for the purpose of grinding cooked chick peas. I think it worked pretty well but I'm not sure I remember right.

bender said...

i think knowing that a meat grinder was in my kitchen at night would render me an insomniatic whimperer.