Sunday

well

well.

that part about fisting food (below) is true. on fridays i smash up 3 gallons of chickpeas at the crepe shoppe. it's easier to do it with hands than a masher. so i don two latex gloves and smoosh them up in my fists, but inevitably my hands get tired, so i just ball them up and start punching the chickpeas. it really adds another dimension of ABSOLUTE MAYHEM to my weekends.

today i ran full-speed down through suburbia with my 60-lb charge. she is legally blind and with little muscle control but also extremely fast.

gonna learn to build a bike. gonna move some books. my highest handheld tetris score is 110 lines. justin just bought 4-person 3D tetris for his fancy shoot-em-up gaming console system player system. you play it with jockey helmets on, and you have to wear sweaters over your hands. it's hard. yesterday justin and i saw a kid in hampden wearing a virtual reality helmet/eyepiece. really. his avatar told us that there's actually a huge heroin problem in hampden, but that we can trade it for typhoid fever and a wagon wheel. if justin was trapped in virtual reality, i would send my wagon for him. i probably couldn't do much else because i don't even know what peer-2-peer is.

this is all true.

every time i die it's through spontaneous combustion. like clockwork.

i am planning for my first major performance career. unfortunately i can't talk about it except to say that i'll probably just think about it for a long time and not follow through. that, and theoretically it will involve some choreography. think contingent booty bumpin' and tambourine.

tip:
never google image search for 'booty' anticipating to find anything involving a tambourine.

tip: when googling for 'booty tambourine,' anticipate this, strangely, nestled within the e-book text of finnegans wake, graciously published by the university of adelaide library in southern australia:

2 comments:

Ryan W. said...

I bought a meat grinder once at a yard sale for the purpose of grinding cooked chick peas. I think it worked pretty well but I'm not sure I remember right.

bender said...

i think knowing that a meat grinder was in my kitchen at night would render me an insomniatic whimperer.